§ LIBRARY OF CONGRESS. \ 

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UNITED STATES OF AMERICA. 



MEMORAND 




LAST ILLNESS AND DEATH 



JOSEPH HOWARD; 



SHORT EXTRACTS OF LETTERS WRITTEN 
AND RECEIVED BY HIM. 



C\. 



KJ 



' 






LONDON: 

DARTON AND HARVEY, 

GRACECHURCH STREET. 

1836. 



ft- 






LONDON : 

JOSEPH RICKERBY, PRINTER, 
SHERBOURN LANE, 



PREFACE. 



To the Reader. 

These Memoranda are the joint pro- 
duction of my surviving children, the brothers 
and sisters of the deceased ; into which are in- 
troduced a few sentiments addressed to him by 
other friends. I was for a time rather adverse, 
on different accounts, to their being published ; 
but have now yielded to the desire of the 
writers — a desire prompted, I believe, by the 
motive of a general good. 

From the time of his becoming the pupil of a 
dear friend, at a neighbouring boarding-school, 
to that of his attaining manhood, our beloved 
youngest son was much less in the company of 
his parents than in that of his brothers and 
sisters; who lived constantly near him. To 
them, therefore, who justly had his confidence 
already, were his later and freer communications 
chiefly made : there was no reserve, however, 
(that gave uneasiness) towards ourselves ; nor 
was our harmony ever in the least interrupted. 

The reader will be able, I trust, to appreciate, 
with myself, what may be found in this little 



IV PREFACE. 

Memoir, of the gradual prevalence and final 
triumph of Faith, over much of constitutional 
diffidence, more still (it may be) of that willing- 
ness to doubt whether belief be indeed belief, 
and experience experience, under which the 
heart, not as yet fully turned to God nor sub- 
ject to His law, is found to shelter, for a time, 
its rebellion and its corruptions. 

Let him also, if enabled by any thing he may 
read here, return with us unfeigned thanks to 
God, who giveth deliverance from the suffering 
and the punishment brought by sin, and with 
it victory, through Christ our Lord, over the 
power of sin. As regards ourselves, I believe 
we can from the heart say, respecting the dear 
youth we have thus been called to resign for a 
season to the grave, in full hope of receiving 
him again in life everlasting, " The Lord gave, 
and the Lord hath taken away : blessed be the 
name of the Lord ! " 

L. H. 

London, Twelfth Mo. 24th, 1835. 



MEMORANDA, &c. 



In transcribing a few extracts from the letters 
of our dear deceased Brother, together with some 
memoranda from the pens of various members of 
the family, kept during his illness, it would have 
added to the value of this account of his expe- 
rience during the latter part of his life, if any key 
had been discovered which could have laid open 
the secret exercises of his mind during its earlier 
progress. 

But it was not till within a short period of his 
death, when the near prospect of Eternity over- 
came his natural reserve,, that he seemed able to 
communicate his own feelings on religious sub- 
jects, as connected with himself: and then only 
with much diffidence, and almost exclusively 
to two or three of those with whom he was most 
intimate. 



Z MEMORANDA OF 

From the time when the symptoms of disease 
first appeared, which was in the 1st month, 1831, 
his patient and unrepining submission to the 
privations of delicate health, and to an occa- 
sional and often unanticipated strict confinement 
of several days or weeks together, were strikingly 
manifested in his deportment. 

After the increase of the complaint had made 
it necessary for him to give up attention to busi- 
ness, his mental powers were chiefly directed to 
the improvement of his acquirements in general 
literature and science ; to which he applied him- 
self with persevering and conscientious industry. 
Having, at one period of his life, found the incon- 
veniences of indolence, and having subsequently 
experienced the benefit of regular employment, 
and of the cultivation of his mind, he considered 
it his duty to avail himself of the opportunity 
afforded him, for the further prosecution of his 
studies : nor was he without hopes of turning 
to some future account the knowledge thus ac- 
quired, as he was much encouraged, from time to 
time, to cherish the anticipation of ultimate 
recovery. Works of a religious nature were by 
no means excluded ; they form a conspicuous 
portion of the long catalogue which he made of 
books that passed through his hands; and he was 
diligent in the perusal of the Holy Scriptures. 



JOSEPH HOWARD. 



The following are extracts from letters written 
to one of his young friends, to whom he had long 
been most closely united in thebonds of friendship. 

" Tottenham, 5 mo. 14th, 1831. 



" My feelings have seldom been such as to 
warrant my saying any thing on these subjects 
[relating to personal religion] which would 
imply a proper perception of their infinite im- 
portance : yet rejoice that they have been intro- 
duced into our correspondence : — I find thy 
allusions to them so valuable, in giving a little 
stimulus to that feeble, evanescent, almost ex- 
tinguished spark, which still struggles for exist- 
ence in a worldly, sensual heart, devoted to the 
pursuits of time, and inexpressibly forgetful of 
its Creator and proffered Redeemer. God grant 
that he may be our Redeemer in truth !" 

23rd 5th mo. — After speaking of repeated 
haemorrhage since the former date, he adds, in 
pencil : — 

" I believe, with thee, that afflictions are often 
sent as blessings in disguise ; but if not received 
as such, if not, in effect, beneficial, they do but 
add to our condemnation. * * * Let us apply 

b 2 



4 MEMORANDA OF 

more frequently and more fervently, to the great 
Physician : let us watch and pray." 

"Tottenham, 6 mo. 12th. 

Alluding to the beginning of this friendship 
in 1824, he mentions the circumstances of an 
interesting walk to Hampstead Heath in his 
company, on the first holiday after his friend 
came to school. Then, having mentioned their 
distant view of the metropolis from that 
place, he adds : "I once thought I could 
leave it with unmingled pleasure ; but now that 
I am to bid farewell to London as a residence, 
perhaps for ever, I find some few relentings." 

12th. — "The doctors seem to consider my 
complaint rather a critical one, but encourage 
much hope of recovery : whether for life or death, 
I firmly believe it is intended for my good (and 
thine). Even Demetrius, a heathen, could say, 
that nothing could be more unhappy than a man 
who had never known affliction. May God bless 
it to both of us. n 

13th. — M ' The heart, 1 said Cecil, ' must be divorc- 
ed from its idols.' — Have we no idols ? no persons 
or things that we love better than our Redeemer, 
and for whose sake we would disobey His com- 
mands ? * This is a fearful question^ Cecil 
again says. Bleeding and cauterizing have 



JOSEPH HOWARD. 5 

done much for me ; — and whatever may be the 
result, I wish that it may be so with me that I 
might either live as a Christian, or die as a Chris- 
tian : but there are Alps in the way. 

' O, what is death ! 'tis life's last shore, 
Where vanities are vain no more ; 
Where all pursuits their goal attain. 
And life is all retouched again ; 
Where in their bright result shall rise 
Thoughts, virtues, friendships, griefs, and joys V 

" Oh, my friend, to meet thee there ! But I 
must confess to thee and to myself that I do not 
feel ready to die." 

" Ackworth, 8 mo. 9th, 1831, 
" As respects religion, I can scarcely describe 
my feelings better than by the epithet of dark- 
ness visible ! Resignation of the will is what is 
wanted : may we both be enabled, forgetting the 
things that are behind, and pressing forward in 
the heavenly course, to look to Jesus in faith ; 
relying on Him, both as mighty to save and 
merciful to pardon." 

" Ackworth, 8 mo. 29th, 1831. 

" This morning we set J. and M. on their way 
as far as Robin Hood's Well, and I had a good 
many pensive and heart-sick feelings. 

b 3 



O MEMORANDA OF 

4 The last, the last, the last, 
By that one little word 
How many thoughts are stirr'd 
That whisper of the past ! ' 

" This time last year, about, thou and I were ro- 
mancing among mountains and waterfalls, * * * 
and now ! — But man is born to trouble as the 
sparks fly upward, and why should I expect an 
exemption from the general lot ? Why should I 
even wish to avoid the medicine of the mind ? For 
many are the uses of adversity. Thou art on the 
brink of thy expiring teens : sober twenty is on 
the wing, and two sevenths of man's allotted pil- 
grimage, the three-score years and ten, are with 
the years beyond the flood. It is a serious con- 
sideration, that we have spent one third of the 
portion assigned for preparing for eternity, and 
the two remaining thirds are not to be counted 
on as ours ! It is awful to reflect, that eternity 
is as certain as time is precarious : and how in- 
finitely superior in importance f 

" Ackworth, 10th 10 mo. 1831. 
" With respect to remarks on serious subjects, 
the fact is this : unless illness, with its sickening 
suspense, or some religious book, or family visit 
for a while pointedly recalls my attention, thought 
is apt to fly off to other subjects ; and the feel- 



JOSEPH HOWARD. 7 

ings to settle down into a kind of lethargy. When 
this is the case, it would be little better than 
hypocrisy to write, unless something struck me 
as proper or beneficial to say. This is my reason 
for not having written much lately ; for not feel- 
ing, I can frame no excuse : it is a bitter reproach, 
and a fearful symptom. Watchfulness, prayer, 
and the grace of God, can alone avert the 
spiritual death." 

17th. — " H. C.'s allusion to my illness is kind 
and touching: may * * *'s consumption be 
indeed in mercy averted ! How thankful should 
I be for the amendment which I already expe- 
rience ; but how apt is the real or apparent 
return to bodily health, to produce a worse, be- 
cause a spiritual, disease — the lethargy of the 
soul ! " 

Bruce Grove, 11 mo. 7th, 1831. 

" Dr. H. thinks I have improved more in a 
few weeks lately, than in months before : what 
gratitude should this excite to that all merciful 
Benefactor, in whose hands are the issues of life 
anddeath ! And how many strong motives to this 
delightful feeling would my illness itself (with 
all its privations and heart-sinkings) present to 
a heart more capable of appreciating and feeling 
their force ! Its alleviations were indeed great : 
nights almost always unbroken ; nearly entire 



8 MEMORANDA OF 

exemption from pain ; the best of accommo- 
dations ; its happening at a time of life when I 
have no business to suffer from neglect, no wife 
and family to fill me with anxiety : the chastened 
feelings with which I was sometimes favoured ; a 
mother's love ; sister's kindnesses, and those of 
my other relations and friends, both near and 
distant; especially thy warm, constant, true, faith- 
ful friendship, how have these sweetened the 
bitter, but needful draught ! Affliction itself is 
one of the greatest blessings of life ; and not sel- 
dom, I suppose, does the dark cloud of sickness 
and of impending death obscure the sunshine of 
our worldly prospects, only to give rise to a bet- 
ter, and a brighter, and an eternal hope. With 
me, sorrow has not had its perfect work ; but the 
evil and vanity of my heart (though very far in- 
deed from being extinguished) have, I would 
willingly hope, been in some degree damped, and 
the kingdom of heaven, the reign of faith, 
and holiness, and love to God and man, though 
it may not yet have appeared above-ground, (to 
adopt the metaphor of the grain of mustard- seed,) 
I sometimes hope is about to germinate. But 
there is a mighty work to do : may I be enabled 
to watch, to pray, and to repent ; and mayest 
thou be enabled to pray for me ; and may the 
best of blessings be for ever thine ! " 



JOSEPH HOWARD. V 

" Hastings, 12 mo. 31st, 1831. 
« * * * This is the last day of 1831, and its 
latest sun, it may be, has ere now sunk in the 
waters. A year ago, and how little did we dream 
of all that has befallen us ! * * * What did we 
then think of bleeding lungs — of Hastings or 
Brighton, or an eighteen weeks' visit to Ack- 
worth ! A year to come — and perhaps we may 
be removed to another world ; but if we are still 
spared, what shall we then look back upon ? Cer- 
tainly, on that day in both our lives which forms 
the era of full entrance upon life — the twenty- 
first birth-day — undoubtedly, on numerous joys 
and sorrows, smaller or greater ; probably on the 
general spread of this fearful cholera ; possibly, 
on some circumstances that may fix the impor- 
tant choice of a fellow-traveller through the varied 
scenes of life; and possibly too, (thank God for the 
possibility,) on an assurance that we have passed 
from death unto life. But among all these con- 
tingencies what can we now do? We can pray : — 
prayer alone brings the present to bear upon the 
future, and prevents our wishes from vanishing 
away as a vapour. Let us pray for ourselves 
and for one another, that we may be enabled to 
know and to love God ; and then, all things will 
work together for our good." 



10 



MEMORANDA OF 



" Tunbridge Wells, 26th 2 mo. 1832. 

" A letter from * * * this morning brings 
the sad intelligence, that our dear old friend B. 
is lying at the point of death. I had before 
heard a better account from my brother H * * *, 
so was little prepared for this. How little did 
we imagine, when conversing together in the 
shrubbery at Ackworth, and thinking, ' when shall 
we three meet again' that we should never meet 
again in this world ! But there is a region of 
blessedness, where we three maymeet again. Oh! 
that sin may not part us for ever and ever ! 

" Before this, perhaps, our friend has passed 
into bliss beyond our power to imagine, and is 
for ever safe in his Saviour's bosom, while we are 
exposed a little longer (but how little none can 
know) to the buffets and the cares, the weariness 
and the disappointments,the trials and temptations 
and dangers of the vale of tears. I hope that he 
(B.) had in some degree entered on the path of 
life [everlasting.] Even as a schoolboy, he was 
very, very different from me, and most others : 
and I trust he has since more fully chosen that 
better part, which death can never take away. 
Oh, that it may be a new stimulus to us both, 
and that we may choose the Lord as our satis- 
fy in sr portion ! 



JOSEPH HOWARD. H 

" Tunbridge Wells, 2 mo. 29th, 1832. 
" This morning's post put an end to the 
faint hopes I had begun to entertain, by another 
letter from F. M. communicating the painful cer- 
tainty * * *. Poor B— the companion of 

many a schoolboy hour, the sharer and commu- 
nicator of many a thought ; whose interesting 
correspondence has often cheered a solitary hour, 
is now numbered with the silent dead — at least 
this is the aspect which presents itself at first 
sight. When we look a little further, what a 
boundless field of thought and imagination, so 
far as it is safe to indulge it, is opened to our 
view * * * ! This is the first breach death has 
made in our little school-company of nine. — 
Others have been more or less seriously affected 
with illness : some are beginning to be engrossed 
by the cares of business, and thoughts of mar- 
riage : — the days of careless childhood are over, 
and life begins to wear a serious aspect ; and 
death, which must come upon us all, a still more 
serious one.'" 

" Tunbridge Wells, 3 mo. 16th. 
c« * * * How powerfully does Urquhart 
[he had before spoken of reading Orme's Me- 
moirs of Urquhart] argue on behalf of missions ! 



12 MEMORANDA OF 

I think, however, that he greatly overrated the 
spiritual condition of the inhabitants of Britain. 
Perhaps this is not surprising when we consider 
that he had enjoyed the advantages of a Scottish 
education. Still his arguments go for something, 
for much ; and I cannot but think that we 
[Friends] who contribute less than some others, 
to extend the blessings of Christian knowledge to 
heathen nations, should be especially careful 
to be active in promoting other schemes of 
widely extended benevolence. It seems to me 
that we are equally responsible for the ' talent ' 
of wealth and the ( talent ' of knowledge ; that it 
is no less one of the works meet for repentance 
in him who c desires to be a Christian,' and to 
share the inestimable privileges which a Christian 
enjoys, — to relieve the destitute, instruct the 
ignorant, or as far as lies in his power (and who 
cannot do something ?) to benefit his fellows. 
But how remote is theory from practice ! Yet 
I long that we may not sink into our graves with 
the sorrowful reflection, that we have contributed 
nothing to leave the world better or happier than 
we found it ; or even that the general influence of 
our daily conduct has had a contrary tendency, 
which I fear is the case with my past life. But 
this let us do, ' forgetting the things that are 
behind, let us press towards the mark for the 



JOSEPH HOWARD. 13 

prize of our high calling in Christ Jesus: ' for 
we too are called, blessed be the bountiful Giver, 
to life, and honour, and immortality." 

" Tottenham, 5 mo. 30th. 
" Thy cordial letter with the birth-day ode, 
&c. forms a pleasant sequel to a somewhat un- 
festive day ! but I will not give thee a catalogue 
of my sources of discomfort * * * perhaps we 
are apt to expect a day like this to rise rather 
above the 'wonted track' of daily life; — and 
expectation unfounded is the parent of disappoint- 
ment. Thou askest my feelings on passing this 
important, though imaginary boundary: — they 
would be difficult to define — perhaps they may 
best be hinted at, (excuse the pun,) by a string of 
nots. I do not feel as if I had entered the fairy 
land of existence, and yet I do not feel as if my 
eyes were all at once opened upon a blank. We 
all of us, perhaps, form anticipations in early 
life, which fail to be realized : but the process of 
disenchantment is gradual ; and perchance, in 
my case, yet far from complete. I need not tell 
thee, that I am not as good as I ought to be ; 
and, as an inevitable consequence, not so happy 
as I might be. As respects present circum- 
stances, I haye not, for the last day or too, been 
perfectly well : a slight cold, langour, &c. warned 



14 MEMORANDA OP 

me to be careful : yesterday was a very op- 
pressive day * # # . The above, I think, pre- 
sents the dark side — but then, on the other hand, 
if I look at the many s ills that flesh is heir to,' 
to which I am a stranger, the negative blessings 
of life, and the innumerable positive ones too, 
I must consider a grateful heart as my chief 
want. In speaking of my feelings, I can hardly 
do otherwise than advert to the doubt, which 
hangs like a cloud over my prospects of life, as 
regards health, business, a home/' — 

" Ackworth, 7 mo. 8th, 1832. 

" I feel inclined to communicate to thee, in 
this way, what has been passing in my mind on 
the most important of all subjects, as it is very 
likely that no suitable opportunity may occur 
when we meet : I think this is a time when we are 
especially called upon to seek, earnestly and per- 
severingly, after a change of heart ; after that 
change which fixes our supreme love on its genu- 
ine object, prevents us from idolizing any worldly 
object by suffering it to engross this supreme af- 
fection, renders us always willing to submit our 
will to the known will of God, and is (if we may 
credit many excellent people) generally accom- 
panied by an evidence that our sins are par- 
doned. Various circumstances seem to point 



JOSEPH HOWARD. 15 

this out as a time when we ought to watch 
and pray for this blessing ; to seek, to strive, 
aywviZeffdai, for ourselves and one another, that 
we may be made partakers of salvation. 

" The prevalence of an awful disease, like 
cholera, in our neighbourhood, seems to call to 
serious reflection ; while, with me, the sick-bed 
that I have been so mercifully raised from, * * * 
and the comparatively few things that necessarily 
occupy my mind in this retirement, seem to 
point it out as an appropriate time for the study 
of my own character, and the endeavour, through 
the grace of God, to improve it. 

The cares of life are thickening around us, 
and a few short years may see us involved in the 
noon-day bustle of the world, so likely to inca- 
pacitate the undisciplined mind for serious reflec- 
tion. May we not then, without presumption, 
suppose that in some respects, ' now is the 
appointed time,"' and ' now,' in a peculiar 
sense, ' the day of salvation ? ' Oh, let us ear- 
nestly pray for ourselves and one another, and 
never, never remit our strenuous exertions, till 
we have become partakers of the promise ! 
* Believe on the Lord Jesus and thou shalt 
be saved? At the same time we ought, in the 
strength of God, to do i works meet for repent- 
ance.' We are both, I fear, too worldly in our 



16 MEMORANDA OF 

views and feelings. Instead of ever allowing our- 
selves, under any specious pretext, to seek our 
own gratification without reference to the will of 
God, we should make that will the spring and 
regulator of our actions ; we should strive against 
that state of practical atheism, in which for 
hoars together (in my case, often for whole days, 
almost) ' God is not in ail our thoughts ; ' we 
should struggle against all evil tempers and pro- 
pensities ; against pride, that grand rcot of bit- 
terness, vanity, selfishness, worldliness, and false 
shame — that fear of the world's dread laugh, 
which so often silences that confession of Christ 
before men, which, perhaps, in moments when 
death seems at hand, we fancy we could fear- 
lessly make in the presence of the scoffer. Oh ! 
my dearest J., this is no light undertaking ; the 
world, the flesh, the devil, present their varying, 
but artfully combined allurements, under a thou- 
sand insidious forms ; and we have the greatest 
need to be perpetually on our guard lest all the 
blessings, which a bounteous Providence has so 
liberally bestowed, should only serve to rise up 
in the great day of account, and condemn us for 
their abuse. ' Life is a warfare."' Oh ! that we 
may buckle on the whole armour of salvation, 
fight the good fight of faith, and at last come off 
more than conquerors, through Him who hath 



JOSEPH HOWARD. 17 

loved us ! How little do we estimate the glory 
of this warfare : how seldom do we recollect 
when we talk of a Napoleon or a Caesar, still 
more of a Washington or a Kosciusko, that 4 he 
that is slow to anger is better than the mighty, 
and he that ruleth his spirit, than he that taketh 
a city ! ' Here is a field where we may fight and 
conquer, through assistance from above : and we 
must conquer, or fall eternally ! But I must 
conclude. Farewell says the heart of thy 
affectionate friend.*" 

" Ackworth, 7 mo. 23rd. 

Speaking of his literary pursuits, he says, 
" I am busy with the e suaviloquentia carmina ' 
of mellifluous Lucretius — mellifluous, truly, in 
description ; but less so when he gets wedged in 
among the multiform atoms, jagged and tagged, 
and smooth and angular, of his favourite Epicu- 
rean system : also with [doctor] Hancock, who, 
with an interesting subject [the instinct of ani- 
mals] and many views that appear to me just, 
does not always present his ideas l clothed with 
the lawn of almost naked light.' Have nearly 
finished the Life of H. A. Rogers, a deeply in- 
teresting book — must lend it to thee : I think it 
a first-rate book for ' first-day , reading. 

64 This afternoon brought the affecting intel- 
ligence of # # * #, s death by this dreadful cho- 



18 MEMORANDA OF 

lera. Oh ! what a loud call to repentance, what 
a fearful warning ! It seems that it now attacks 
the respectable classes, and singles out its vic- 
tims by a kind of fearful decimation * * *. 

" It little matters in what shape death comes, 
if, by the mercy of God in Christ Jesus, we are 
' prepared to meet it.' " 

He speaks of the General Meeting at Ackworth, 
in which, he says, 6t I have been deeply interested 
in the manner and matter of the scriptural exami- 
nations [of the children], and have no doubt 
they are likely to be highly beneficial." 

8 mo. 4th, 1832. — " Rode by a pretty lane 
from Carlton through Wentbridge. It was alovely 
morning ; health and life seemed floating in the 
balmy air. I saw a miserable object sitting on 
the ditch-bank, with a boy by his side. I felt 
interested in the man, for he did not beg. In 
answer to my enquiries he told me he could not 
work, he was blind. I looked around on the 
face of nature fair, and contrasted it with the 
6 universal blank of nature's works, to him ex- 
punged and rased,' and it brought forcibly to 
view the rich blessing of good sight * * *. 

" Let us go at once to the source of all 
strength and counsel, to that blessed Saviour, 
who is revealed as the ' Counsellor,' and the 
' Mighty God.' Not that I would say that we 



JOSEPH HOWARD. 19 

should not, when we feel able to do so, encou- 
rage and warn, and advise and pray for one 
another : these I think some of the most impor- 
tant duties of a friend ; but we must not depend 
on one another, as I think we are sometimes apt 
to do, for spiritual help : we must depend on 
God ; no man can by any means redeem his 
brother or himself." 

At this period his health was so much im- 
proved, as to give the cheering hope that he 
might be permitted to recover ; and few memo- 
randa of the state of his mind at this time are 
found. But in the beginning of the 10th mo. 
he had a return of the haemorrhage ; from which 
time his health again declined, and it soon be- 
came evident that much danger was to be ap- 
prehended. 

On his arrival at Tottenham in the spring 
of 1833, it was apparent to his friends and me- 
dical attendants that consumption had begun to 
make rapid progress : and very soon, all hope of 
his recovery faded away. It was at this period, 
and before he was fully made acquainted with 
his situation, that some of those who were affec- 
tionately interested in his spiritual welfare, ob- 
served with regret, that religion did not seem so 
prominent in his thoughts as they could have 
desired : and about this time, a friend called to 



20 MEMORANDA OF 

see him, to whom he made some remarks on the 
subject of prayer, to this effect — that though he 
admitted prayer in the general to be a duty, yet 
he thought it should only be engaged in when 
we were in a suitable frame of mind. 

On the 6th of 3rd month he wrote (to the 
correspondent above alluded to) a letter, of 
which the following are extracts. 

" [Two Friends] called on 2nd day afternoon, 
and after a little social chat, — had a word of 
consolation for me, from which I hope I derived 
some little instruction. There were two senti- 
ments particularly beautiful : one, that ' God is 
love/ and the other in substance this : that 
when we feel void of any good thing, we must 
pray to God, through Christ, and our wants will 
be abundantly supplied. 

10th. " The subject that we conversed upon 
this day week, [conversion and regeneration,] 
has frequently occupied my thoughts since, 
though very seldom indeed compared with its 
intrinsic importance. I find, strange to say, a 
lamentable want of earnestness, concern, in- 
terest, in this a//-important topic. I think, too, 
I want faith ; for it seems almost too much to 
hope as a present blessing ; and yet, on the other 
hand, what is worst of all, I fear I want sin- 
cerity, and am deterred by the narrow way, the 



JOSEPH HOWARD. 21 

crosses and difficulties of true Christian devoted- 
ness. Then, I feel too like the man who should 
be entrusted with a pearl of great price about 
his person, during a long and arduous journey, 
to whom all the dangers of the way would be 
additionally fearful : thus sin, and even doubt as 
to the lawfulness of actions, must, I think, be 
far more distressing to him who has possessed 
the ' peace of God, which passeth understand- 
ing.' Undoubtedly God can remove these diffi- 
culties : with Him all things are possible ; let us 
then pray to Him, in the name of the ever-blessed 
Mediator, and strive to take for our motto, 4 Faint, 
yet pursuing.' May the God of all mercy, He 
whose name is love, may he bless us both, my 
dear friend, with an undeserved and long-re- 
jected salvation ! " 

On the 12th Joseph had another severe at- 
tack of haemorrhage, and two subsequent returns 
on the 14th and 17th. On the 23rd he added a 
few lines in pencil to the same correspondent ; and 
on the 25th, after speaking of his having re- 
turned to the drawing-room, and apparently 
gained a little ground, he says: "And now as 
regards the great subject, I know not what to 
say. My impressions are so apt to be evanescent, 
yet truly, at hours like what I have experienced, 
one is more impressed with the true value of 
eternal things : — in some degree — 



22 MEMOKANDA OF 

c The hope of heaven, a Saviour's cross, 
Seem w hat they are, and all things else but dross.' 

" I do sometimes hope that this affliction will 
not prove quite useless : — 

' Kind, loving is the hand that strikes, 
However keen the smart, 
If sorrow's discipline can chase 
One evil from the heart.' 

" Do refer to this beautiful hymn of C. Fry's, 
in the ' Sacred Poetry : ' 

< Was Got schick t ist gut.' * 

' He doth not afflict willingly, nor grieve the 
children of men.' " 

Adverting to a remark of his correspondent's, 
he goes on to say : " The kingdom of heaven is 
compared to a little seed ; hidden, overlooked ; 
yet formed to germinate and spread. If we may 
venture to take this view, it should encourage, 
not damp : hope invigorates exertion — despair 
annihilates it. Only believe, and come to 
Christ ; He can change thy heart to-morrow. 
If I say, * or mine,' I condemn myself. How 
different the condition of the converted, and of 
the unconverted : — to the one death, disease, 
sudden accident, are worse than fearful ; he is 

* What God sends is good. 



JOSEPH HOWARD. 23 

always in danger: he is a slave; conscience 
torments him ; Satan is his master ; his passions, 
self, and this world, his drivers. The other is 
the reverse of all this : he walks in ' ways of 
pleasantness, and paths of peace ;' and when 
trials do occur, they, too, work together for his 
good : he glows with love to God and man, and 
dies with a good hope of things ineffable. How 
unsafe is it to tarry for a moment ! 

" 28th 3rd mo. — The night after writing the 
above, I had another slight attack, but regained 
the couch yesterday ." 

A day or two previous to the 7th of 4th month 
there had been an evident increase of the com- 
plaint ; and some symptoms had appeared, which 
seemed to indicate a more speedy termination of 
his life than had before been anticipated ; but 
they subsided in a short time. 

On this day he was informed that it was the 
opinion of his medical attendants that, though 
he might rally for a time, there was little or no 
probability of a complete recovery. He heard 
it with emotion, saying at length in broken 
sentences, as near as could be collected, that it is 
said that all things work together for good to 
those who love God; but he did not know that 
he loved God. He considered himself selfish : 
and, not feeling the forgiveness of his sins, how 



24 A MEMORANDA OF 

could he feel quite calm, — concluding with, 
" Lord, be merciful to me a sinner." 

About this time he told a friend who had 
written to him, that his letter had alarmed him ; 
that he was afraid he was not converted — afraid 
that he had been living without God in the 
world. His friend tried to encourage him 
with the promises : — c Seek and ye shall find ; 
knock, and it shall be opened unto you ;' but 
without doing any apparent good. 

The following are extracts from memoranda of 
conversations. 

8th of 4th mo. " Dear Joseph told me that he 
had the preceding day been made more fully ac- 
quainted with the serious nature of his complaint. 
That he could not find the evidence of such a 
change of heart as would warrant his looking 
forward with brightness ; and, that though he had 
experienced support, he did not feel the assurance 
of pardon. " 

Under date of the same day he wrote to his 
sister : — 

" Many, many thanks for thy truly welcome 
sheet ; I cannot but comply with the request it 
contains : was much interested in thy accounts 
of * * * . Do write again : if subjects are 
scarce, thou knowest of one. — Pray, my dear R. 
for my conversion and pardon. Pray that my 



JOSEPH HOWARD. 25 

faith may be strengthened. Could I love God 
with all my heart, I could then be assured that 
all things would work together for good. Oh ! 
for a good hope through grace. 

" Thy affectionate, 

" Joseph." 

4th mo. 9th. — He sometimes felt contrition 
for sin, but was afraid to build upon it : his 
heart had been so long selfish and hard, that it 
sometimes seemed almost as though he could not 
repent: and though he felt the burden of his 
sins, he feared it was chiefly because of the effects 
of sin, in deserving eternal punishment. He 
thought the experience of love and joy, love to 
the Saviour and to all mankind, in the regenerate, 
is consequent on the sense of pardon granted 
them. This he did not feel : but seemed com- 
forted in the reflection that all things are pos- 
sible with God : and on my repeating, ' Ask and 
ye shall receive,' &c., he said he did pray, but 
feared it was too much because there was nothing 
else to be done. He could not pray earnestly 
for ten minutes together ; but he thought the best 
plan was to keep the subject constantly in mind, 
and then frequent ejaculations arose. He feared 
his repentance was not sincere, since he had be- 
fore, in illness, thought himself the subject of 

c 



26 



MEMORANDA OF 



strong convictions ; but when health and strength 
returned, his mind wandered to other things ; and 
he feared, his present feelings might be of the 
same stamp. He feared, his prayers were not in 
full faith ; and ' he that doubteth is like a wave 
of the sea.' We conversed on the state of the 
poor man who cried ' Lord, I believe, help thou 
mine unbelief.' He thought, we ought to expe- 
rience full sanctification in this life : but when he 
thought of heaven, it appeared so very far from 
him ! Could he but feel his sins pardoned, he 
could in all other respects say, ' Thy will be 
done : ' he could then look even death in the face 
with comfort. It was not death that he feared, 
but what comes after death. He had great 
reason to be thankful for this illness : what 
should he have been without it ? It seemed like 
an answer to prayer ; for when he had the most 
pressed after sanctification and the full surrender 
of the heart, affliction had frequently followed. 
I reminded him of the hymn, 

" I asked the Lord that I might grow," &c. 

He said he had often thought of that. His dif- 
ficulty consisted in coming with the whole heart 
to Christ. He thought the feeling of pardon is 
sometimes delayed, to make us prize it more ; and 
his conflicts had not been so deep as those of 



JOSEPH HOWARD. 27 

some of whom we had been conversing. I said 
it was only the man who wilfully neglected, or 
refused, to accept the wedding garment (which it 
was the custom to offer to all the guests) who 
was cast out from the supper, after he had been, 
like others, bidden to the wedding feast. The 
doctrines of the Gospel are simple ; and as our 
lost and undone condition brought the Saviour 
down from heaven to die for us, so, our feeling 
the absolute need of a Saviour is our qualification 
for coming to him : we have i nothing in our 
hands to bring," but He has said, ' Him that 
cometh to me I will in no wise cast out. 1 He 
said he did feel his absolute need of a Saviour ; 
but repentance seems to be our part, and that 
includes a great deal. I said I thought prayer is 
the evidence of the commencement of repentance: 
it was said of Saul, as a proof of conversion, 
6 Behold he prayeth ' — and it is the work of the 
Holy Spirit to give a sense of the hardness of the 
heart. He said he must exercise faith." 
Under the same date he writes to his friend. 

" My very dear friend, 

" I long to pour out a little of my 
full heart, and have begged a few lines space. 

On 1st day afternoon my dear mother told me 
I was not likely to recover : it was a very affect- 

c 2 " 



28 MEMORANDA OF 

ing time. Then, afterwards, much talk with 

: the medical men followed immediately, 

and finished the afternoon. It was too much, I 
suppose : soon after tea, haemorrhage came on. 
] endeavour not to dwell on the world I am 
leaving — though there seems much to leave ; 
nor on the death-bed scene but what is infi- 
nitely more important, the Eternity that follows. 
The thoughts of heaven and myself seem almost 
to stagger faith, so great is the contrast — but 
with God all things are possible. I am seeking, 
in degree, for pardon and holiness — a new heart 
to love God : but I want faith. Pray for thy 
friend as one whose days are in all probability 
numbered [or about to come to an end] * * * * 
If this affliction does but prove instrumental in 
drawing us both to Christ, what a mercy it will 
be. Oh ! if I am saved, how little there is to 
regret — the exchange of a world of many plea- 
sures and much pain and sorrow, for endless 
bliss : ' the briefer life, the earlier immortality.' 
I know what the other side presents : it includes 
thy society and correspondence : but, oh ! I must 
look now to God's favour : His blessing be upon 
thee. Oh ! let us come. All that will come 
may come — then why not ivill f Do write as 
soon as thou canst, &c. 

" Dear love to all ; a double portion for thyself, 



JOSEPH HOWARD. 29 

from thy mournful, but in some degree, hopeful 
friend, (but oh ! what a flinty heart to be turned 
to flesh !) 

« J. H." 

On the 11th, having received a letter from one 
of his sisters, he wrote in reply: of both which, 
for better understanding, extracts here follow. 

" Yes, my beloved brother, there is one sub- 
ject on which we have too long maintained a 
silence ; but now that thou hast given me an 
insight into thy feelings, I shall feel less hesi- 
tation in adverting to it. Time is passing, and 
thou art not yet blessed with a good hope 
through grace, that when thy race is run, the 
glorious prize will be thine. How then can I 
delay, even one short day, contributing, out of 
the fulness of a heart which is often tenderly 
engaged on thy account, any thing which, with 
the Divine blessing, may be the means of en- 
couraging and strengthening thee. Thou will 
not, I trust, misunderstand me. I hope many 
days of peace and comparative enjoyment may 
yet be thine : but whether in sickness or health, 
life is uncertain, and Eternity the only object 
worthy our anxious thoughts : and I long that 
thou mayst obtain shortly, if consistent with Infi- 
nite Wisdom, that consoling, sustaining assurance 

c 3 



30 MEMORANDA OP 

of possessing an interest in the atonement, which 
gives joy unspeakable and full of glory. My 
dear brother, it fills my heart with comfort to 
know that thou art so fully convinced of thy 
need of c conversion ' and ' pardon ' — and that 
thou art sensible that thou dost not love God 
with all the heart, &c. I must say I rejoice 
that thou art thus far enlightened. Oh ! it is a 
mercy when our eyes are opened to see the 
exceeding sinfulness of our state, and to feel our 
alienation from God : — and I cannot but trust 
that He who hath begun the good work will 
carry it on to the end : that God, who so loved 
the world that He gave his only begotten Son, 
that whoso believeth in him should not perish 
but have everlasting life, will, in his own time, 
reveal His Son in thee ; — that is, as I understand 
it, unveil his glorious character, and give thee 
to see so clearly the freeness of his salvation, 
that thou mayst at once accept and embrace it ; 
no longer depending on thyself, but content to 
receive all good things — even the power of 
loving him and believing him — from above. 

" I feel it to be a very serious thing thus to 
write — thus to attempt to guide thy steps to the 
Saviour ; but, oh ! I would not conceal the hap- 
piness I have often enjoyed, and the peace I now 
feel, in casting all my care on Him who has 



JOSEPH HOWARD. 31 

done so much for me and in me, unworthy and 
rebellious as I have been, and weak and erring 
as I yet feel myself to be. Wilt thou allow me 
to ask, whether it was intentionally or accidentally 
that the word f conversion ' was placed before 
' pardon ' in thy letter. If by conversion thou 
meanest repentance, it will do ; only that I think 
thou hast repented, if I may judge by thy man- 
ner of expressing it. By repentance, 1 under- 
stand a turning from the practice and the love of 
sin, a sorrowing and grieving for it, and a con- 
fessing it to the Searcher of hearts. In this 
sense art thou not converted as well as convicted ? 
But, perhaps, by conversion, thou rather hadst 
in view that change of heart which is experienced 
when, through faith in Christ, we feel assured in 
our hearts that our sins are forgiven ; that we 
are pardoned, absolved in the sight of God, re- 
garded by Him no longer as rebels — prodigals, 
but as children : — oh ! wonderful love — as chil- 
dren ! Well, my dear brother, is not this justi- 
fication^ and the receiving of the spirit of 
adoption — is it not the work of the Spirit, as 
much as the previous work of conviction is ? 
And whilst we are told that God will give the 
Holy Spirit to them that ask him, shall we doubt 
how we are to obtain this inestimable blessing ? — 
While we are told, by the inspired prophet, that 



32 MEMORANDA OF 

' the bruised reed he will not break, and the 
smoking flax he will not quench, till he bring 
forth judgment unto victory,' surely this is en- 
couragement to rely upon our Almighty Saviour ; 
and perseveringly to seek his aid, that the work 
he has begun may be completed. There is so 
close a connexion between believing and doing, 
that it seems as if the one could scarcely stand 
without the other. Surely, as soon as we believe 
we shall go to Christ : but then it is his part to 
grant assurance of pardon. The poor woman 
who came to our Saviour to ask his help for her 
daughter, was tried by what appeared like a re- 
fusal : — i It is not meet to take the children's 
bread and cast it to the dogs ; ' — but was it meant 
as such ? — oh, no : — thou rememberest the story. 
And then the parable of the man who so impor- 
tunately begged of his friend for three loaves, as 
to overcome his reluctance to rise and give them : 
and the declaration of our Lord, * Him that 
cometh to me 1 will in no wise cast out.' Ah ! 
my brother, lay hold, I beseech thee, on the pro- 
mises — believe on the Saviour : dream not of 
being any way prepared to go to him, by any 
feeling of love. I cannot think there is any pre- 
paration needed, but sorrow for sin and a desire to 
be saved from it, as well as from its consequences, 
and a conviction of the power and willingness of 



JOSEPH HOWARD. 33 

our Deliverer. We are to walk by faith, not by 
sight. The longer I live the more I feel con- 
vinced of this : — but we cannot communicate to 
others the precious, the inestimable fruits of in- 
dividual experience — else how ardently would I 
petition to be the means of conveying it to thee : 
yet I hope it may please the Giver of all good 
to bless this feeble effort of his very unworthy, 
often erring, child. My visits among the poor 
have greatly tended to encourage me. In their 
undisguised disclosure of their feelings, their 
trials, temptations, and consolations, I have seen 
much evidence of the reality and the uniformity 
of the work of the Spirit ; but especially in wit- 
nessing the peace and consolation, and support 
granted them, in the near prospect and actual 
approach of death, I have gained a kind of ex- 
perience which is more valuable to me than I 
can describe. But I shall perhaps tire thee — 
this is a subject on which I love to enlarge. 

" My father sends his dear love to thee. 
Accept the continued assurance of affectionate 
attachment from thy sister * * * * *." 

"I feel inclined to reply at once to thy truly 
kind letter. Of my need of conversion and par- 
don I have been long convinced ; and I have 
reason to bless God for the fuller announcement 



34 MEMORANDA OF 

of my present bodily state, made to me on First 
day last, which has deepened those convictions. 
Since then, I think I have sometimes been 
enabled to pray, with some degree of simple 
faith, for pardon and conversion ; i. e. that new 
birth, without which no man can enter the king- 
dom. But I wish that in these things I may 
not be deceived. Yet, when I think that if ever 
I do enter into rest, I must be prepared in heart 
to associate, not with purified spirits alone, but 
with Almighty Holiness, I should think it pre- 
sumption to hope, were it not greater presump- 
tion to believe that God's promises could fail. 
I am tried with want of love to Him, and my 
neighbour, and want of hatred for sin, abstract- 
edly and personally. Persevering prayer, I 
know, is the appointed instrument: — the same, 
I fully believe, is to be employed if we want 
faith. But how can we know that we fully 
come — that there is no secret reserve — that 
we call upon Him in truth ? What is re- 
pentance ? If it include hatred for sin, because 
it is abominable in the sight of God, I fear 
I have very little, if any, of it. And can 
any one who has not the love of God feel this 
true, godly sorrow ? I think, since First day, I 
have felt generally peaceful — perhaps, in some 
degree, hopeful — but is this right ? Are we not 



JOSEPH HOWARD. 35 

commanded to work out our salvation with fear 
and trembling ? Yet when we feel as if support 
was granted, I think we should not refuse it : 
but the danger is of a false rest ! — Oh ! my dear 

, with a heart free from sin's guilt and 

power, I think I could view disease and death 
with composure ; for death in itself is but the 
pain (if pain be felt) of a few short minutes or 
hours. How strange, that any should think more 
of it than of eternity ! 

44 As regards the burden of sin, I think I feel 
it a load for its own sake, and could bless God 
abundantly for its removal. If my shortness 

makes me unintelligible, my dear , excuse 

it. My cough is seldom very troublesome now, 
except when I expectorate the night's accumu- 
lation. In the day I scarcely ever cough — and 
I am surrounded with abundant comforts and 
outward blessings. 

" Thy affectionate brother, 

" Joseph." 

4th mo. 10th. — Note of conversations. He 
said that he felt, perhaps, more comfortable ; but 
was afraid of being deceived by a false repent- 
ance. ' The heart is deceitful above all things, 
and desperately wicked.' He did not feel, as he 
wished, the burden of sin as sin ; but thought, 



36 MEMORANDA OF 

after all, it was best not to wait for (and delay till 
he felt) more full repentance, but come just as he 
was, to Christ. I reminded him of the hymn — 

' Take my poor heart, just as it is, 
And set up there thy throne ; 
So shall 1 love thee above all, 
And live to thee alone,' 

which he thought very beautiful. He was long- 
ing to feel the Spirit witnessing with his spirit, 
that he was a child of God. 

He did indeed feel religion to be the one thing 
needful now. In the evening, he said he had 
had many fluctuations of feeling : sometimes it 
came over him strangely, how short his time 
would probably be ; at others, he found it diffi- 
cult to prevent his attention being distracted. 
How great a change must be effected in him, 
before he could be fit for heaven : but all things 
are possible with God. I reminded him in how 
short a time the change must have been effected 
in the case of the thief on the cross : — he said, 
yes ; but it was more easy to imagine this, in the 
case of a sinner previously entirely ignorant. It 
seemed as though he must pray for a change of 
heart, without seeing exactly how it was to be 
effected. He wondered that a person who had a 
clear sense of pardon should fear death, or indeed 
any thing. 



JOSEPH HOWAKD. 37 

I suggested, that the duty and privilege of 
coming to Christ remains the same, whether we 
choose to take advantage of it, or not : and in re- 
spect of that, there is much force in the beautiful 
exhortation, i having such an High-priest, 1 &c. let 
us come boldly to the throne of grace : and that, 
as Newton says, 6 the highway is as open for a 
beggar as for a prince.' 

He told me that, in some respects, he felt 
more cheerful than before he was informed of his 
danger ; * his mind being more freed from anxiety 
about the best means of promoting recovery. 

4th mo. 11th. — He had found it difficult, from 
various causes, to avoid some degree of distrac- 
tion of mind this day ; and he always felt most 
comfortable when most fully keeping these all- 
important subjects in view. 

4th mo. 12th. — He asked if I had ever 
thought, in regard to the parable of the prodigal 
son, of his being clothed in his father's best robe : 
he thought, it very encouraging, in whichever 
way we understood it ; whether as the imputa- 
tion of Christ's righteousness to the returning 
sinner, or as signifying his being completely 
sanctified. This last view seemed to give him 
the most comfort. He believed the poor pro- 
digal was pardoned when yet afar off. 

* This was much remarked by those around him. 



38 MEMORANDA OF 

We conversed on the gift of the Spirit, as the 
privilege of the Gospel day : i the indwelling of 
the Spirit ' (Eph. i. 14) as the pledge of the pur- 
chased possession ; as the seal till the day of 
redemption ; and as distinct from the work of the 
Spirit in striving with the unregenerate heart. 

13th. — He said that, at the commencement 
of the week, his thoughts of heaven had been 
more vivid than they were at this time : and 
when he turned to think of himself, it seemed 
difficult to believe that he could be made fit to 
enter there ; — but now he could believe : what 
a mercy, what a great mercy it is that we are 
commanded to believe ! Without this, we might 
fear presumption ; but with such commands, it 
would be presumptuous not to believe. His 
fears now were respecting himself : he feared lest 
he should not persevere in seeking after God. 

He thought he had been wrong in not seeking 
more fully for a sense of pardon : he had prayed 
earnestly for holy love and sanctified affections ; 

but thought dear was right in advising him to 

seek this blessing, as he believed it was made the 
means of producing these affections. It seemed 
to him wonderful, that we do not more love our 
Creator, Preserver, Redeemer, whose mercy is so 
great towards us. I said I trusted he felt some 
degree of this love : and that he must press after 



JOSEPH HOWARD. 39 

more. He said he hoped he did ; but that it 
seemed to depend in part on the animal frame : 
when his spirits were sunk, and his mind over- 
powered by illness, he could scarcely feel that he 
loved at all. I told him some particulars of the 
illness of Legh Richmond's son, Wilberforce, as 
related in the Domestic Portraiture, and of those 
texts which afforded him the most comfort ; with 
which he seemed interested. 

He thought the minds of children would de- 
rive advantage from being directed to the sub- 
ject, (of the plan of salvation;) and that they 
should be questioned, in order to ascertain that 
they understood what is told them. He thought 
also that they should be taught to pray aloud : 
he never understood mental prayer, till Montgo- 
mery's hymn on prayer poured a flood of light 
on the subject into his mind. He said (speak- 
ing of his childish days,) he was quite a little 
Pharisee, trusting to his own works : sometimes 
resolving to do every thing aright, and, at others, 
feeling dissatisfied with his attempts, and melan- 
choly in the persuasion that something was not 
right. 

He mentioned with great pleasure a visit 

which had paid him ; and spoke of the 

encouragement and advice she had given him. 

His sister has preserved the following me- 



40 MEMORANDA OF 

morandum of a conversation with him on this 



I referred to that text, ' Him that cometh un- 
to me, I will in no wise cast out.' He said, that 
was a very comforting one ; but expressed the 
fear of being mistaken, of not having a sincere 
heart. I said, that as no preparation (in our 
own strength) could make us acceptable, the 
sense of need was all that was requisite : he re- 
plied, he felt it to be so ; and he thought that we 
could not take too simple a view of it, (meaning 

the Gospel.) He said, s brought me 

this little hymn book, which has some very sweet 
ones, particularly this,' selecting from the Cot- 
tage hymn-book the 7^nd hymn ' Come to 
Christ ; ' and, pointing to the stanza — 

' Let not conscience make you linger, 
Nor of fitness fondly dream ; 
All the fitness he requireth 
Is to feel your need of him : 

This he gives you, 
'Tis the Spirit's rising beam ; ' 

intimated that he had found comfort in this." 

His brother 's memoranda under the 

same date (probably in the evening) run thus: — 
He was too weak to converse much : men- 
tioned the pleasure he had in visits from three 
ministering friends whom he named. 



JOSEPH HOWARD. 41 

He said, he was afraid of dissipation : but in 
answer to my enquiries said he felt, perhaps, more 
comfortable ; and could, he thought, trust more. 

4th mo. 15th. — Conversing about the treat- 
ment of his disease during the winter, and one 
of the family expressing a doubt whether some 
part of it had been judicious, Joseph replied, 
s It is all in the ordering of Providence.' There 
was a great sweetness and calmness in the ex- 
pression of his countenance, and also in his beha- 
viour. He mentioned having received much com- 
fort from the text, ' We have a building of God, 
an house not made with hands, eternal in the 
heavens.' 

A few days previously, on receiving a mes- 
sage of 6 love to the patient sufferer ' from his 
father, who was then in the North, dear Joseph 
said, he thought he could hardly be called a 
sufferer, surrounded by so many blessings (or 
comforts) and having so little pain. 

4th mo. 17th. — In the morning he made 
some allusion to faith : enquiring whether we 
considered that assurance \i. e. a sense of accept- 
ance] was essential to true faith, he said, he 
could not think it was : he thought some had 
their hope well established, who never could be 
said to enjoy full assurance. He afterwards 
spoke of the necessity for self-examination, lest it 



42 MEMORANDA OF 

should not be the pure love of Jesus that actuates 
us. After some further conversation, he again 
alluded to the fear of a want of sincerity, and 
spoke of the danger of selfish considerations in- 
fluencing our desires for happiness ; thinking it 
impossible for any one to be in the situation in 
which he was, and not desire to obtain eternal hap- 
piness ; but he expressed great comfort in the 
fulness of the promises, that our Saviour is ever 
ready to receive such as come unto God by Him. 
He soon afterwards pointed to his favourite hymn, 
alluded to on the 1 4th : I requested to have it 
read ; and very sweet was the feeling which 
prevailed. 

In the former part of the evening he had 
been sweetly alluding to the delight he expe- 
rienced in the contemplation of the beauties of 
nature, and had repeated, with much feeling, the 
last stanza of Bishop Heber's hymn, commencing, 
' I prais'tf the earth, in beauty seen,"' to wit — 

4 O God, O good beyond compare ! 
If thus thy meaner works are fair, 
If thus thy beauties gild the span 
Of ruin'd earth and sinful man, 
How glorious must the mansion be 
Where thy redeem'd shall dwell with thee ! ' 

It was a memorable evening ; every remark 



JOSEPH HOWARD. 43 

was so bright ; he was so able to enter into and 
enjoy conversation. In the morning some regret 
had been expressed, on what seemed to us the af- 
flicting circumstances of dear Hannah Kilham's 
decease : when he stopped suddenly from pacing 
up and down the room, and said, ' But if it was 
in the ordering of the Almighty, ought it not to 
be considered best ? 

4th mo. 18th. — On its being observed, what 
a comfort it is that the command is, ' Believe in 
the Lord Jesus Christ, and thou shalt be saved/ 
and that those who believe in the sense here in- 
tended will be saved, he said, belief there 
did not mean the mere belief that we should 
be saved, but includes trust in Christ, giving 
the heart to Him : and therefore self-examina- 
tion is necessary, to know if this is indeed our 
faith. 

Extract of a letter from Joseph to his friend. 

" 18th 4th mo. — My dearest , I am lost 

in the multiplicity of my subjects. First, excuse 
my not writing before ; and then let me advert 
to the one great subject. Blessed be God, I trust 
I have come to God, through Christ, for pardon 
and holiness : and is it not wrong to distrust ? 
Sometimes I have sweet feelings of hope, and I 
think other emotions not my own. But I have 



44 MEMORANDA OF 

my moments of discouragement : perhaps some 
of the cholera patients* thought they had as good 
a hope : and, perhaps, some had — did really be- 
lieve, but turned back. I pray, * * * for resigna- 
tion and patience, and a renewed heart : a heart 
full of love to God and my neighbour : and I 
think I do often receive strength in the little 
trials of the day : but, oh ! how often do I 
feel the hard heart of pride and selfishness. I 
have, as yet, no assurance of pardon : perhaps 
uncertainty is necessary to keep me humble : 
yet, on the whole, I think it would be wrong not 
to say, I trust the Lord has begun a work of in- 
finitely condescending mercy in my heart ; and 
that if I do perish, I am doubly condemned. My 
want of love, of holy fear, of hatred for sin, are 
trying proofs of a hard heart : but to Him all 
things are possible * * # *. Oh, my dear friend, 
may we not greet one another, blessed thought, 
as fellow-believers ! Hast thou come, fully 
come, to Christ ? I think I have already tasted 
something of the sweetness of this : and I do 
believe that a life of constant dependence on, 
and communion with God, would be the plea- 
santest." 

* He told me had given him, in a letter, a sad ac- 
count from of those who became converts at the time 

of the cholera ; most of them, as it appears^ having relapsed. 



JOSEPH HOWARD. 45 

In speaking of the Unitarian sentiments, 
(with reference to their denial of the propitiatory 
sacrifice,) Joseph remarked, that he thought it 
was owing to incorrect views of the law of God, 
that they fall into such errors. " Let us take, for 
instance, the first commandment, ' Thou shalt 
love the Lord thy God with all thy heart,' and 
remember, that 6 Whosoever shall keep the whole 
law, and yet offend in one point, he is guilty of 
all, 1 and we shall have a more correct idea of our 
position with regard to the Creator." 

In a letter dated the 19th, after describing the 
employments of the day, he says, " I have great 
reason to bless God for the unwearied and de- 
voted kindness of my dear, clear relations. — * * *' 
has been more than a brother to me, and soothes 
me with the sweet voice of encouragement and 
hope : * * * and * * * frequently now spend 
much time with me; in fact, I am surrounded with 
blessings, and only want a grateful heart." He 
then mentions some symptoms of apparent im- 
provement, viz. the absence of haemorrhage, and 
a little increase of strength. " But do not," he 
adds, "cherish fond hopes of my recovery : or, 
at any rate, do not mention them. Warmer air, 
with more of it, and exercise, may produce a ral- 
lying; [Dr. H. seemed to expect it;] but I am too 
apt, as it is, to let my affections wander to things 



46 MEMORANDA OF 

on the earth : and the thought of death at hand 
is a powerful stimulus : yet, why give up the 
hope of meeting again ? Believe me, / do not. 
Dost thou come up about the yearly meeting 
time ?*****. I have had some of Dr. Pin- 
kerton's very superior company. Dr. SteinkofF, 
too, has been down, a man ' though in, above the 
world ' *****. From the very little expe- 
rience I trust 1 have had, I may assure thee 
I believe that faith in Christ opens the truest 
sources of consolation and enjoyment.'" 

4th mo. 20th. — Joseph spoke much on the 
charity that believeth all things : he thought this 
meant the attainment of Christian love : he said 
the original expressed this, and he liked to under- 
stand it with the spiritual import. How complete a 
character the apostle Paul describes! It was just 
what a Christian should be ! He spoke of the 
comparative degrees of happiness in heaven : 
whether it would be progressive in knowledge, or 
complete at once : though he thought it very 
immaterial, as we were assured it was altogether 
beyond conception. We agreed that gratitude 
would probably be a source of ceaseless praise ; 
for if, here, we are conscious in some degree, how 
much the Saviour has done for us, what shall we 
not feel when the whole of his redeeming love is 
made familiar to us ! Conversing upon the 



JOSEPH HOWARD. 47 

ability to pray, he said it was very difficult to 
him to settle his thoughts as he could desire ; but 
it was a great comfort that we might plead the 
promises. He believed we might plead them. 
He wanted to feel more abhorrence of sin, as sin. 
He spoke of wishing for more full assurance ; but 
said, perhaps it was good for us when it was 
withheld, that we might become more humble ; 
" and I am sure there is very much in me that re- 
quires humbling." One of us remarking that he 
had been greatly helped, and that she did not 
doubt that he would yet know the desire of his 
soul answered, he said ' Oh I dear sister, I do 
not despond, I only hope.' 

He said, he felt it was better to avoid dwell- 
ing on the probable sufferings connected with 
death : it only drew the mind from subjects of 
far greater importance ; and he fully assented to 
the belief, that strength was often wonderfully 
vouchsafed ; and that, in many instances, spiritual 
comforts had seemed to abound as the bodily 
trials increased. 

"As it was the anniversary of his niece 
R. M's. birth, he wished to present her with some 
token of his love ; and on one of us suggesting a 
wish that it should be of a lasting description, he 
most willingly consented. He presented his 
niece with a copy of the Olney Hymns, and his 



48 MEMOKANDA OF 

nephew with the " Harp of Zion." He said, he 
wished them to remember him : he hoped that 
they were old enough to do so ; and selected 
three texts for each, to be inserted with their 
names, saying, it would make the books more 
valuable to them when they grew older. One 
text, descriptive of his good wishes for them ; 
another, marking the strictness of the Divine 
law ; and, lastly, one on the happiness of reli- 
gion. He entered with so much affectionate 
interest into these subjects, that for many suc- 
ceeding days he appeared to suffer from peculiar 
languor ; and we thought it best to refrain from 
much exciting conversation. 

* * * * jj e sa i ( j ? h e generally felt peace, 
but feared his feelings were not deep enough, 
though he had this day felt more deep hatred of 
sin. He thought it a mistake to insist on the 
necessity of repentance before coming to Christ, 
since the two subjects are always connected in 
the Bible. 

Extract of a letter from Joseph to his friend 
under this date. 

u Daily and hourly communion with God I 
believe to be the true secret of happiness : then 
the burden grows ' light,' the yoke becomes 
' easy ; ' and besides this, the minor troubles 
and cares of the daily walk are borne without 



JOSEPH HOWARD. 49 

that fretfulness and vexation we so often expe- 
rience, (Ps. xxxii. 7)- And in the deeper trials 
of life, what a support in Infinite Power and 
Love : the source of all perfection and all our 
comforts ! Who could as easily make up the loss 
of any earthly comfort, of friends, of health , 
or property, as we can say it is so. In him is 
the source of all happiness, and all holiness : 
and they that hunger and thirst after righteous- 
ness shall be filled. Oh ! my dear J. do not 
regret the loss of thy earthly friend, but t seek ' 
and 'find ' ten thousand worlds, ten thousand 
friends in Him. Pray, pray, pray ! ' Watch 
unto prayer : ' seek for opportunities : make it 
thy business (thou understandest my meaning) 
to seek the Lord while he may be found. * * * 

" Thou art exposed to accidents in travelling: 
prepare for sudden death; not by any gloomy 
anticipations, but by realizing views of eternity, 
by an habitually watchful, cheerful, prayerful, 
state of mind, ready at all times to bless the 
Author of all thy mercies ; not excepting afflic- 
tions, those blessings in disguise. I never had 
greater cause for blessing God than now — have 
been hesitating whether I should say, was never 
happier for two weeks (nearly) than the last. If 
happiness is to be estimated by the real value of 
our enjoyments — I think, not. I had a sweet 



50 MEMORANDA OF 

conversation with * * * this morning ; our hearts 
seemed to melt : but I wander. I think the state 
of mind I recommend (how easy to recommend) 
might be promoted by a short retirement when 
time could be found. Do I recommend too high 
attainments ? ' To him that hath, more shall 
be given.' Think of the leaven, and the mustard- 
tree-seed : but i Be ye perfect ' is the mark. 

' Who aimeth at the sky, shoots higher far, 
Than he that means a tree.' 

Besides, we are not our own, but bought with 
a price ; and what a price ! The language 
of heart and life should be, ' Thanks be unto 
God for his unspeakable gift.' 

11 Evening, this is * * *'s wedding-day, 
and R. M's birth-day [three years old:] and 
she can hardly contain the joy of her little 
heart. Dr. Pinkerton is here : he speaks of a 
white plague raging on the Vistula, and spread- 
ing westward, resembling the cholera, but worse, 
I confess that, strange as it may seem to thee, 
I was shocked at this white plague — one of the 
evils that we knew not ! But death is not 
familiar to me, nor do I wish to dwell on its 
image; though I could wish that of Eternity to 
be profitably impressed on the mind : But whether 
it be plague or consumption, m ^epifxvri^Te ['take 



JOSEPH HOWARD. 51 

no anxious thought 1 ] let us only believe and trust. 
I am reading the Testament and Pilgrim's Pro- 
gress, and Legh Richmond's Account of his 
Willy, who died of consumption. The Harp of 
Zion found its way to my table unsought only a 
few days ago. I have abundance of nice Hymns; 
but the promises are better, and the substance of 
these promises best of all. May we both par- 
take of this. Poor Wilberforce Richmond ! 
He says, in one letter, ' How thankful do I feel 
that I may kneel at the foot of the cross. Oh ! 
where else could I wish to stretch out my aching 
limbs and die ! ' No, there is no other Saviour ; 
and how can I feel so little warmth of gratitude ! 
Once more, dear * * *, farewell : the Lord be 
with us both. Thine, &c. 

«J-. H." 

The next day (21st) he said his mind was 
generally peaceful ; but when he awoke in the 
morning, he seemed to find some degree of the 
old hardness of heart remaining, and did not wake 
with a song of thanksgiving, as David describes 
it, " When I awake, I am still with thee ; " but 
there seemed a conflict to be maintained. 

He told a friend who called upon him (and to 
whose previous visits we have referred) that he 

d 2 



52 MEMORANDA OP 

had felt more peaceful the last few days : this he 
said with evident pleasure ; and his friend per- 
ceived a marked change in his countenance, 
which bespoke that his mind was relieved. He 
added, " I think I have found answers to prayer, 
in being helped when I have been disposed to be 
irritable." 

In conversing with his brother # # # , he ad- 
verted to the preaching of the forgiveness of sins, 
as a means of bringing persons to repentance ; 
and queried whether it was not more effectual 
than beginning with placing before them the ter- 
rors of the law ; referring to an anecdote of a very 
hardened criminal in Newgate, who laughed in 
the face of a person who spoke to her of her sins, 
but when the doctrine of forgiveness was spoken 
to, burst into tears, exclaiming something of this 
sort — u And can there be forgiveness for me ?" 
That text being suggested to him, " The Law 
was our schoolmaster to bring us unto Christ, " he 
admitted that that seemed rather to weigh on the 
other side. [But there is no mention of the 
i terrors ' in this text.] 

Speaking of the resurrection, he appeared to 
have been thinking much on the subject of the 
resurrection of the body : of which he considered 
our Saviour's resurrection as the pattern, the 



JOSEPH HOWARD. 53 

first fruits. He enquired about the apostle's 
doctrine in Corinthians ; and queried whether 
we had reason to believe that some further 
change took place in Christ's body, on his ascen- 
sion. On the text being referred to, " Who 
shall change our vile body, that it may be 
fashioned like unto his glorious body," he ex- 
pressed, that he believed that might be what had 
given him some impression of this kind. The 
idea entertained by some being referred to, that 
a future state consists only in a separation of the 
soul and body, he said with much emphasis, 
" That must be a gross error." 

4th mo. 22nd. — He said he scarcely knew 
how to judge of his feelings : much seemed to 
depend on the bodily frame : as sometimes, — for 
instance, almost the whole of the preceding day 
— the languor of the body so benumbed the mind, 
that he seemed incapable of feeling, and he could 
only trust and pray. Again, since he had this 
evening finished reading the Life of Wilberforce 
Richmond, he had felt so thankful and happy, 
and full of hope and joy ! But he trusted he had 
this day experienced a more evenly peaceful 
frame of mind, and had been enabled to rise 
above the little trials of illness, when he had 
looked up for strength so to do ; that he had also 



54 MEMORANDA OF 

felt more love, and thought the experience of 
support (what he could not have given himself,} 
was more to be depended on as an evidence of 
Divine regard, than mere frames of feeling. 

Extract of a letter from Joseph to his friend, 
dated 24th of 4th mo. 

* * * " Legh Richmond says, in the * Do- 
mestic Portraiture,' you should, not only study 
the Scriptures, but keep in reading some search- 
ing experimental book, as a bosom companion. 
6 A love of such reading (at least no alienation 
from it) proves a useful test of character.' 
What dost thou think of it ? A useful hint, it 
seems to me. The account of poor Willy (in the 
same book) is most deeply interesting. 

25th. — " I had a visit the other day, partly 
religious, from * * * ; she is intimate with 
my sister, and her very countenance seems 
beaming with true Christian cheerfulness : she 
does not wish religion to be considered a gloomy 
thing. I doubt not she finds it a source of truest 
comfort * * * # # . 26th. I must just take up 
my pen to tell thee that I got nearly halfway 
down the garden this afternoon. It seemed like 
a new enjoyment : bright sun — warm fresh air : 
the flowers looked so bright, and smelt sweeter 



JOSEPH HOWARD. 55 

than I could almost have imagined. Oh ! it was 
delight ! " 

From his brother * * *'s notes of conver- 
sations. — 4th mo. 26th, he said, if he could 
now be placed in the same situation as when 
in health, and could still feel as he now did, it 
would be a sure ground of hope that his heart 
was changed — but now the fear sometimes arose, 
lest he should only be relinquishing the world, 
because the world was leaving him; and his 
feelings varied so much with his state of body, 
that sometimes it almost perplexed him. When 
very languid, and his head feeling weak and 
dizzy, it was so difficult to avoid a degree of 
peevishness, or haste in expression ; and he some- 
times gave way too much to it : he still found 
the old nature to struggle with. I said, 

* 4 Though rough and thorny De the road, 
It leads the Christian home to God ; " 

and in reference to his not being able to prove 
the sincerity of his obedience, " Now unto him 
that worketh not, but believeth on him that jus- 
tifieth the ungodly, his faith is counted for 
righteousness. 1 ' He replied — " But faith must 
bring forth the fruits, if time is afforded." After 
taking his usual morning refreshment, he said, 



53 



MEMORANDA OF 



" If I should be permitted to live till the 
summer fruits come in, I shall enjoy them 
very much : but it does not do, to plan for to- 
morrow. " 

4th mo. 27th.— From a memorandum of con- 
versation with his sister. 

In the morning he conversed very freely, and 
with much animation, on the subject of repent- 
ance. He considered it to mean a change of life ; 
[of its purpose, rather], that this is the sense of the 
original, and this must follow the sense of need 
which brought us to a Saviour. He viewed re- 
pentance as the fruit of faith ; and regretted that 
it should be dwelt upon, as is sometimes the case, as 
the thing to draw us to a Saviour : he thought the 
text about godly sorrow that worketh repentance 
proved this. He spoke of several eminently reli- 
gious characters, whose lives he had been reading, 
and he remarked the difference in their religious 
experience. Some seemed to have experienced 
the sense of pardon very suddenly ; and yet to 
have evinced, by an entire change in their dis- 
positions and conduct, that they were new crea- 
tures : others were much longer in attaining the 
full sense of their forgiveness through Christ ; 
and yet ultimately evinced the same devotedness 
to His cause, the same proofs of a real change. 



JOSEPH HOWARD. 57 

He assented to the idea, that in many of the 
former instances, strong and continued convic- 
tion of sin had been followed by an earnestness 
in prayer, comparable to the wrestling of Jacob, 
" 1 will not let thee go until thou bless me ;" or of 
David, " I will not give sleep to mine eyes, or 
slumber to mine eyelids until," &c. : and he 
thought there must be strong faith that free- 
dom from the sense of sin was at hand, before an 
individual could plead either of these petitions. 
He said he had not found it best to dwell very 
much on his past sinfulness : he found it draw 
his attention to himself, rather than to his 
Saviour ; and he thought the effect on his mind 
not good. He had often felt at a loss to know 
whether to pray for a greater sense of his sinful- 
ness : but he thought it was not so desirable, as 
to pray that the Holy Spirit would make mani- 
fest what was meet, and to seek to be in a dis- 
position to desire that just what the Lord saw 
best might be appointed; for to pray for suffering 
seems fearful. Yet he thought it very needful that 
we should examine ourselves narrowly, for fear of 
sin : and on being reminded of these texts, " Let 
the words of my mouth, and the meditation of 
my heart be acceptable in thy sight," &c. ; and 
" Cleanse thou mefrom secret faults 1 ' — he seemed 
pleased, and repeated, in addition, " Search me, 

d 5 



58 MEMORANDA OF 

O God, and know my heart : try me, and know 
my thoughts, and see if there be any wicked way 
in me, and lead me in the way everlasting," and 
said, " I do think that so sweet ! " 

To his friend, 4th mo. 29th. — " I fear my 
last letter would give too favourable a picture of 
my state. I have been dull the last week, body 
and soul ; yet I try to struggle on : the body has 
suffered partly from languor — sometimes, perhaps, 
from weariness. Do thou, my dear friend, take 
courage — so run that thou mayst obtain. Re- 
member the loaves and the importunate friend. 
Get one of the Society's pocket Testaments with 
Psalter : a good companion always at hand ; of- 
ten a glance at a promise or command might 
suggest a ' darted ' prayer : mine is a minion 
pocket 24mo. Dont read the Bible straight 
on, but make it interesting by searching ; 
comparing type with antitype, prophecy and ful- 
filment, tracing the marginal references, taking 
up a subject, faith for instance, and following it 
out. I see I dictate, tu comprendras. I need 
teaching, myself; much, much teaching. * * * * 

30th. — " The spring is very beautiful, though 
backward. I find I have much to be weaned of 
in this attractive world. I want faith to realize 
a world unseen." He then alludes to a remark 
in a letter, and adds, " Remember, there is a 



JOSEPH HOWARD. 59 

rock that is immovable: and oh, come fully, come 
without reserve — this day — this hour, to Christ, 
and he will receive thee : gratitude and justice 
call thee. He died in agony for thee, and wilt 
thou not live for him ? And thou art not thy 
own, thou art bought with a price. — Farewell, 
dear * * * * now and for ever. 

* Ach keiner zeiten zeit befreit die ewig — ewig — ewigkeit.' 

" Love to the home circle — thine, my dear, 
dear friend, J. H. 

" May God give thee his full salvation. I do not 
know whether I ought to use such strong expres- 
sions ; my feelings are often, and now, so be- 
numbed by languor, or attention to myself — or, 
perhaps, by a hard heart. But if we meet in 
heaven, oh, there will be no lack of love — delight- 
ful thought ; there it will abound as the vital air ! " 

1st, 5th. mo. — He experienced many variations 
of feeling, and much seemed to depend on the 
bodily frame ; but he thought it best to trust 
through all ; and he had, for the last few days, 
been enabled to do so. He had seen much of 
the deceitfulness of his heart : pride and other 
marks of the old nature, shewed themselves some- 
times very unexpectedly; but he thought we 
must not wait for fitness to come to Jesus. 

3rd, 5th mo. — He said he had much deadness 



60 MEMORANDA OF 

to lament during the last day or two. He found 
general conversation tended to divert his mind 
from things of more importance ; and it was diffi- 
cult to introduce profitable conversation. He 
thought a remark which Dr. Pinkerton had made 
to him very beautiful — That we should not con- 
sider ourselves as leaving all our friends at 
death, but rather, as going to more than we 
leave behind : and he dwelt on the prospect of 
being welcomed into heaven. Sometimes, in 
contemplating the beauties of creation, he con- 
sidered whether, in a future state, there would 
be similar sources of delight ; but thought this 
was not right. We should look to a higher 
source for the fountain of our heavenly joys. 

4th. — He remarked, how sweet it was when 
we can bring all our burdens and cares to the 
Saviour, and leave them there, and thus get rid 
of them : this, he acknowledged he sometimes 
felt. 

5th. — Sometimes (he said) recollection of plea- 
sant past scenes came vividly across him, and 
would still draw his affections to this earth ; but it 
was better, perhaps, to expel such thoughts at once. 
He did not know how far we should dwell on 
the pleasure of a reunion with our dearest friends; 
but there was enough revealed, he thought, to 
prove recognition in a future state ; and referred 



JOSEPH HOWARD. 61 

me to " Muston, on the Perpetuation of Christian 
Friendship." 

7th. — Joseph remarked, in the course of con- 
versation, that he was deeply sensible that in his 
flesh dwelt no good thing ; and he had often to 
lament giving way, in some degree, to a hasty 
temper, in his moments of weakness and depres- 
sion ; but that he had that morning, after being 
much exhausted with coughing, felt a flow of 
peace, in believing that he might look forward 
to an inheritance incorruptible and undeh'led. 

On the 9th, 5th mo. he welcomed his father 
and sister from the North. 

11th 5th mo. — He said he had great reason 
to be thankful for the support he experienced : 
he generally felt peace ; though he feared some 
part of it might be indifference, as he had so 
much each day to ask pardon for. He trusted his 
heart was in some degree changed, since he felt 
the restraining, and in some degree, the com- 
forting influence of the Holy Spirit, and had 
been enabled more effectually to suppress fretful- 
ness : still he had not kept sufficiently near, nor 
been watchful enough. 

He said his weakness interfered much with 
profitable employment in the day ; but he always 
aimed at more earnest and particular prayer in 
the morning, though he could seldom find an 



€2 Memoranda of 

opportunity before ten o'clock. At other times 
his petitions were more of an ejaculatory nature. 
He repeated the passage, " If any man love the 
world the love of the Father is not in him ; v and 
said, he found it best to turn away simply from 
the thoughts of past pleasures, as he could not 
enough realize the superiority of future joys* 
He still felt the burden of sin, and should be 
exceedingly thankful to have it entirely re* 
moved. 

About the 12th, in conversing with his sister 
* * * *, he made some remarks, as nearly as 
can be recollected, to this purport : — 

He alluded to his weakness, and said, that 
these trials might help to wean us from the 
world ; that present pain made the prospect of 
rest to be sweet to him ; but that he feared the 
retrospect of some past enjoyments still had suf- 
ficient hold of his mind, at moments, to detain his 
thoughts — whilst the anticipations of future 
blessedness were comparatively faint : he, how- 
ever, recollected that memory was active in the 
former case ; whilst in the latter there was no- 
thing but imagination to assist our conceptions. 
The Christian feels the love of God, and he can 
understand it, — but that is all. 

13th 5th mo. — He seemed much at ease in 
conversation, and took pains to communicate his 



Joseph Howard. 63 

views on several topics, connected with the great 
subject now so exclusively dear to his heart. He 
appeared anxious to impress upon a near rela- 
tive the necessity of avoiding every thing which 
might lead the inexperienced mind to attach any 
gloomy ideas to religion ; strongly advising against 
tones in reading ; remarking that dull tones do 
not recommend religion. He added a faithful 
admonition of a more personal nature. 

On his mother's saying that she felt much for 
him, he replied, as near as could be recollected, 
" If we believe that [word] ' in very faithfulness 
thouhast afflicted me,' we should not encourage too 
much regret ; but rather be thankful : for I have 
hope and trust, though not full assurance of the 
pardon of my sins." One of his friends remarks, 
at this period, — " Joseph's trust in his Saviour 
was evidently becoming more as expressed in 
these beautiful lines — 

' Other refuge I have none, 
Hangs my helpless soul on thee.' " 

On the 14th, he took leave of Dr. Pinkerton, 
and told him he had fixed his hopes (or trust) on 
Jesus Christ. 

His sister, who had been separated from him 
for a considerable time, observes that it was 
almost surprising to notice his willingness to con- 



64 MEMORANDA OF 

verse on religious topics, and even to advert to 
his own individual experience, on which he had 
formerly observed so strict a silence : not less so 
was his thirst after devotional reading ; his 
increased value for the Scriptures and for Gos- 
pel truth ; the warm interest he took in any cases 
of growing attention to these things, among his 
acquaintance ; and his efforts, by such means as 
were in his power, to promote the spiritual wel- 
fare of his friends. He was indeed most exem- 
plary in his endeavours to maintain spirituality of 
mind. From the time that he turned with his whole 
heart to seek the one thing needful, he evinced 
no inclination for the perusal of the newspapers, 
nor for other works not exclusively religious ; 
(with the exception of one small task of a literary 
character, which he was desirous of completing 
in order to assist a beloved relative, and not with- 
out a view to the good of his fellow-creatures ;) 
but whenever subjects were introduced which 
bore upon the eternal welfare of his fellow-men, 
he evinced the most lively and enlightened in- 
terest. 

1 6th 5th mo. — He was speaking of a young 
man who appeared to be leaving our society, or 
at least throwing off its manners and dress : he 
seemed to lament the circumstance exceedingly, 
and said that London was a dreadful place for 



JOSEPH HOWARD. 65 

young men ; it was so much exposed : he thought 
it a lamentable thing that there was not a more 
regular and watchful care manifested towards 
them.* He earnestly desired it might be done 
in a Society capacity ; for he thought it might 
prove beneficial : but in many instances, after be- 
ing visited on the receipt of their certificate, but 
little more was seen of them till either the non- 
attendance of meetings, or a change in their 
appearance, induced another visit from their 
friends. Then it was often too late ; the die was 
cast, and they were not disposed to listen to 
counsel. But if some friends were appointed, in 
the first instance, to watch over such young men 
with Christian interest, how valuable it might 
prove ! For a little thing often proves a great 
check to a young mind : and he exclaimed with 
animation, " Oh ! I do wish that * * * *, or 
some one else, would bring it forward." He 
scarcely knew how to avoid censuring parents 
who could entrust their sons to such a place, un- 
less they could obtain the notice of some valuable 
friend. He seemed to thinkit was giving them 
over to destruction 

5th mo. — Joseph remarked, how much he had 

* He had himself resided some years in London, and 
these remarks were the result of his personal observation. 



86 MEMORANDA OP 

been struck with the passage, " Be of the same 
mind one towards another. 1 ' We are so apt, from 
love of opposition, to sacrifice our own comfort 
and that of others : which would be both alike 
promoted, did we study to follow this injunction. 

5th mo. — In the evening, he remarked on the 
sweetness of the prospect of eternity, when we 
can look towards it in the belief that our sins 
are forgiven. 

25th. — He said he had, the last few days, felt 
more love to the Saviour, and more trust in Him. 

The following note, written in pencil, at differ- 
ent times, and with much difficulty, closed his cor- 
respondence with his beloved young friend ; and 
was the last effort of his hand, except several 
inscriptions in books, left in charge to be given 
to his relations and near friends ; some of which, 
written in tremulous characters, bear date only 
the day before his decease. 

21st of 5th mo. — " What shall I say to my 
dear * # # # , after so long silence ? Be, as 
ever, kind and forgiving. I have been looking 
over my letters, returning some to their owners, 
burning others, &c. I am now doing my books. 

26th. — " Soon after waking this morning, I had 
such sweet impressions of thee, and so longed 
that thou could come up : it was quite delightful : 



JOSEPH HOWARD. 67 

query, was it sympathetic ? Find this writing 
soon fatigues : must be laconic. 

" In looking over that part of thy letter which 
speaks of religion, I find nothing to reply but 
" Watch unto prayer." Thou knowest my views. 

30th. — " I have since thought of that passage 
about faith, as a grain of mustard-seed, removing 
a mountain into the sea. Oh ! come to Christ : 
He will sustain : may He bless thee for ever, and 
ever and ever. This is my birth-day. I still 
hope in Christ, generally ; but cannot realize 
Heaven : and the deceitfulness of the heart, and 
sin, often becloud my landscape ; yet I can 
sometimes, I think, adopt that verse — 

' When languor and disease invade,' &c. 

" Have again seen Dr. Steinkoff. # Have just 
got thy letter, but will not detain this to reply. 
My dear heart friend, farewell.'" 

On the 27th, he was visited by a young friend 
from whom he had long been separated, and 
whom he addressed at considerable length, and 
with so much earnestness as to be quite ex- 
hausted. Among other things, he said, referring 



* Joseph told this valued friend, in answer to his en- 
quiries, that he felt peaceful, though at times troubled 
with wandering thoughts. 



68 MEMORANDA OF 

to the text, " Ye must be born again,'" that the 
injunction, "Set your'affections on things above," 
&c. seemed to express the sum and substance of 
this change of heart : it was so comprehensive : 
to have the whole bent of the thoughts and 
affections changed. And when we considered what 
the affections were, the change was wonderful, 
and greater than he could have believed. 

5th mo. 30th. His 22nd year, and birth-day. 
He said he found much difficulty in meditation, 
though he should be glad of the consolation it 
would afford. In moments of weakness, the mind, 
without great watchfulness, was liable to become 
fretful. — He was very watchful over himself on this 
point ; and repeatedly apologized to his mother, 
when he felt that he had spoken peevishly, 
though his behaviour was remarkably endearing ; 
and the sweetness of his countenance and man- 
ner were generally noticed by those around him. 
He said, he did not think his feelings had ever 
been rightly directed till he was informed of his 
danger ; he had always before rather exercised 
fortitude, in the endeavour to make the best of 
things, and in the prospect that he might recover. 
This reflection at one time troubled him much. 
He said, he sometimes felt almost startled to 
think how near he was to eternity — nature 
shrunk from the prospect ; and at such times he 



JOSEPH HOWARD. 69 

felt peculiar need of support. In reply to a 
question, he said he was able to exercise peace- 
ful trust, but not full assurance. His mother 
said to him, that as he was placing his trust on 
the right foundation, she hoped this expe- 
rience might be regarded as the earnest of his 
future inheritance: he was not resting on his 
own works, but in the mercy of his Saviour. 
Joseph replied, impressively, " / have no works 
to trust to." He viewed the support granted as 
a great favour. 

30th or 31st. — In the afternoon, he said he 
had of late experienced much more support, and 
on one or two occasions (one after a very ex- 
hausting morning, and the other after Dr. H. 
had been conversing with him on his very criti- 
cal state) such a sweet feeling had been 
afforded him, in looking forward to Eternity, that 
he had never before experienced any thing 
equally encouraging : though he had sometimes 
very transient, but sweet feelings of a similar 
nature granted. In his moments of depression of 
body, he felt the Holy Spirit operating in his 
mind. 

31st. — During a trying fit of coughing, he 
said, " I do not think that we should take a 
mournful view, but that we should trust cheer- 
fully." On the same day conversation turned 



70 MEMORANDA OF 

upon the benefit and desirableness of simplicity 
in the manner of life, particularly the arrange- 
ments of the table. He manifested much inte- 
rest, and in the course of it, said, he could not 
reconcile very great dinners : there seemed so 
much wasted. He had often thought of that 
text, " Whether ye eat or drink, or whatsoever 
ye do, do all to the glory of God." He thought 
this had a very extended meaning, and required 
that we should all seek to be in a situation in 
which we could acceptably render Him service: 
and that to do all things to the glory of God, we 
should endeavour not to frustrate the end de- 
signed by his benefits ; by pampering the appe- 
tite, or destroying the health, or wasting his 
gifts ; which he thought such entertainments 
strongly calculated to do. 

One day, in the 5th month, the conversation 
turned on the sense of pardon ; the feeling that 
when we were brought to the Saviour, we were 
really pardoned, and accepted in the Beloved. 
Some remark was made with reference to look- 
ing upon this as a thing scarcely to be expe- 
rienced, except at the close of the earthly race. 
Its attainment in an earlier stage of the Christian 
course was alluded to, as seeming almost too 
good to be true, but as a more stimulating and 
inviting view of religion than any other, could 



JOSEPH HOWARD. *]l 

we aceept it : Joseph's countenance showed the 
lively interest he took in these remarks ; and 
he desired a relative to read the first four chap- 
ters of Romans ; to see if they did not s et forth 
this doctrine, He thought the text, " There is 
therefore now no condemnation to them which 
are in Christ Jesus, which walk not after the flesh, 
but after the spirit, 1 " settled the question. Speak- 
ing afterwards of Pilgrim's burden falling off when 
he saw the cross, he alluded to the relief which he 
had himself felt for a few days — probably soon 
after the announcement of his danger. 

6th mo. 2nd. — He thought in general he felt 
peaceful. 

6th mo. 5th. — A relation, who was second mate 
on board an Indiaman, being in the village, 
was introduced to him, after many years sepa- 
ration : Joseph was too weak for much conver- 
sation, but addressed him nearly as follows : — 
" Thou art to take a long voyage : I have a 
longer one in prospect : but I take the doctrines 
of St. Paul for my compass, and if thou dost the 
same, they will make thee happy in life, and 
happy in death." His feebleness of voice pre- 
venting his young friend's understanding him, 
he repeated it, substituting the word Bible in- 
stead of St. Paul. About this time, dear Joseph 



72 MEMORANDA OF 

received a letter from a valued friend, which 
shall be here transcribed. 



" My dear Friend, 

" Until this day I had quite hoped 
to have called upon thee again before leaving 
this neighbourhood : that I cannot do so is the 
cause of real regret to me * * # # . Since the two 
transient visits I paid thee, thou hast often been 
present to my thoughts; and the remembrance has 
been accompanied with great sweetness, and I 
think I may safely say, with a degree of thank- 
fulness, in being permitted to feel the conviction 
that thou wast partaking of that support which 
the hope of the Gospel can alone give. I have 
rejoiced in the belief, that feeling this need of a 
Saviour, and seeking to Him in faith, thou hast 
been enabled to behold the Lamb of God who 
taketh away the sins of the world. This, dear 
Joseph, I feel while writing, to be an awful sub- 
ject ; but whilst my love for thee would preclude 
any thing approaching to a building thee up on a 
false hope, I cannot but call upon thee to praise 
the Lord for his goodness and for his mercy 
toward thee : the future is to us all veiled from 
our view, but the Lord doeth all things well. My 
earnest desire, my prayer unto Him, is, that He 



OF JOSEPH HOWARD. *]3 

would continue to vouchsafe to be with thee to 
the end, whether the end be more or less distant ; 
that faith and patience may be thine in every 
time of trial ; and that, as the outward man 
perisheth, thou mayst know (through the efficacy 
of Divine grace) the inward man to be renewed 
day by day, and finally be permitted to enter the 
mansion of eternal rest and peace — Farewell, 
my dear friend, and in the feeling of much love, 
believe me thy sincerely affectionate friend, R. J." 

On the 8th, he said his mind seemed like a 
barren wilderness : his feelings became more dif- 
ficult to define as he grew weaker, but he felt 
more love to the Saviour, and more hatred for 
sin, and in general a peaceful trust. It seemed 
very sweet to look forward, though sometimes it 
might almost appear like presumption. 

On the 9th, there was a very sensible decrease 
of strength, which he bore with great patience 
and calmness ; and spoke of his ride, I think, on 
this evening, as being one of the bright spots in 
the day, and that he quite enjoyed it. 

11th and 12th. — He described himself as feel- 
ing generally peaceful, but exceedingly languid 
and weak : he said he had to pray for support, 
and experienced it, and that heaven looked very 
sweet. He sometimes almost longed to fly 
away. 



7^ MEMORANDA OF 

Within a day or two he had remarked, that we 
were not to think he was unmindful of our kind- 
ness, if lie did not often express his thanks ; 
referring to the shortness of his breath. 

He continued a regular study of the New 
Testament till the last day or two ; it being 
almost the only book which he read to himself, 
in preference to listening to the reading of the 
family, in order that he might give it the more de- 
liberate attention ; observing to his sister, he could 
not get on very fast, he found so much in it. 

On the evening of the 12th, his brother noticed, 
after assisting in undressing him, how very weak 
and dependent upon others he had become ; and 
intimated that it was an unspeakable comfort to 
us, to believe that he was in better hands than 
ours : Joseph replied, that his faith was some- 
times weak and low, and that he hoped we prayed 
for him. 

The next morning, the L3th, the last he saw 
on earth, he was so weak that we should not 
have thought it desirable for him to leave his 
bed ; but he was so much bent upon it, finding 
it refreshing, that we consented, and he was car- 
ried down stairs. He, with great difficulty, once 
raised the phlegm, and remarked it was & favour. 
He lay on the sofa pretty quiet, and appeared to 
doze at times, having passed a restless night. 



JOSEPH HOWARD. *J5 

After dinner, at which (for the first time) he had 
found himself unable to sit down with us at table, 
he expressed a wish to be left alone, that he 
might get a little sleep ; but about half-past 
three he called for his mother, and upon some 
change of posture, appeared to swoon away. His 
mother was the only one in the room, and think- 
ing him dying called some of the family. After 
a little while, however, he revived, and his speech 
returned ; when he spoke for several minutes, 
with an elevation of voice and energy of manner 
quite beyond what we could have thought him 
capable of; his countenance beaming with ex- 
pression and altogether conveying the idea of 
sensations being left upon his mind beyond the 
power of language to describe. Only a few sen- 
tences can be distinctly remembered ; but they 
are recorded, in the belief that nearly the words 
are preserved, though the order may not be quite 
accurate. The whole conveyed the idea of his 
mind being almost overwhelmed with what had 
been present to his view, and that all his remain- 
ing energies were called into action to endeavour 
to convey this impression to us. 

" I have had a view of such unbounded scenes 

of splendour for Jesus' blood !* and for 

me, a sinner ! for (or through) Jesus' blood ! all 
for sinners, for me ? Heaven ! Heaven ! is it for 



76 MEMORANDA OF 

me — me ? I am going to heaven ! Glorious ! 
Wonderful ! Is it for me ? " * 

His mother said, " Yes, my dear love, I be- 
lieve it is for thee." Exhausted, probably, by 
the exertion, he lay pretty still. The rest of the 
family assembled, with the exception of his bro- 
ther # * # , (who had gone on an errand for 
him). His father expressed his affection for 
him, and his sorrow to part with him ; but not 
for his sake, for he trusted he would soon be 
' where the wicked cease from troubling, and 
where the weary are at rest : ' to which dear 
Joseph assented with an emphatic " Amen."" 

He requested those present to pray for him, that 
it might be for life or for death — " But rather for 
death; for my faith is in Jesus who died for 
sinners." 

After a while he enquired if his friend, to whom 
many of the letters were addressed, and who 
had come to town a few days previously, was in 
the room ; — desired his love, and added, " Tell 
him to be a Christian." To another friend he 
sent a message — " Tell him to beware cf money ; " 
adding an expression of kindness. 

He kissed his relations, enquired if his hand, 
which his mother was holding, was cold, and 

* Several of these expressions were repeated. 



JOSEPH HOWARD. 77 

being answered in the affirmative, added " It 
is the cold of death : [thank God, or] blessed 
be God ! " 

On the arrival of his medical friend, he said, 
" 1 have had such a glorious vision ! I did not 
think I should have come back : — it was a dis- 
appointment." He queried of him — " How near 
death ?. " " My dear friend," was the reply, " I 
think not many hours'" — ■" Minutes, 1 "' he rejoined, 
with a tone which indicated a longing to be gone. 
He sent his love to two young cousins whom he 
had expected to see, (they had called, but he was 
considered too ill to see them,) and added, " Tell 
them they must be born again. My hope is in 
Christ crucified — being justified by faith — " here 
his voice failed, but he added a word or two to 
direct our attention to the remainder of the pas- 
sage. His mother asked if that was his message 
to his cousins ? He said, " The first part." 
He sent a similar message to two other of his 
young friends ; and to his brother a message of 
affection. He gave clear directions respecting 
some letters, which he wished to be returned to 
the writers. Also to burn those from one of his 
friends who was deceased. After a while he 
seemed increasingly tried with the prolonged 
struggle between life and death ; and begged that 



78 MEMORANDA OF 

we would pray that his faith and patience might 
hold out to the end. 

It seemed as if the enemy was permitted once 
more to suggest the doubts which had sometimes 
distressed him during his illness, as to the sin- 
cerity and reality of his faith ; and under what 
appeared to be an awful sense of the state of those 
who are cast out from the Divine presence, he, 
with great energy of voice, and remarkable clear- 
ness, prayed nearly as follows : " Oh let me not 
now sink into eternal misery ! — Thou knowest I 
have been sorely tempted. Save me through 
faith. I come to Thee, Oh Eternal, Eternal 
Saviour ; if my faith be a right faith accept me in 
it ; and if not, let me even now come to Thee, a 
sinner to the foot of Thy cross, renouncing all 
dependence on my own works, and all earthly 
desires. Do 1? — Yes. — If not, help me to do so ; 
[or, make to do so ;] and Him that cometh to 
Thee thou wilt in no wise cast out. This, I ask, 
for thy own name's sake [or, in thy own name] 
who died for me, Amen!" After this the 
powers of life and of collected thought ebbed 
away. 

A little interval occurred, in which it appeared 
that he was conscious of surrounding objects. 
I believe it was then that he looked with affec- 



JOSEPH HOWARD. 79 

tion on his mother, his eyes still bright, and said, 
" I see." In about an hour he breathed his last. 
All the family were now in the room, and we 
believe were prepared to unite with his father in 
returning thanks to God for his release from 
suffering, and admission into the rest that re- 
maineth for the people of God. 



THE END, 



J. Rickerby, Printer, Sherbourn-l^ne. 




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